


Kiss My Fears Away

by cumwhoreharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22653949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cumwhoreharry/pseuds/cumwhoreharry
Summary: He was never the one to let things get to him. He was carefree. He was light. He was everything that I wasn’t. Yet overtime he became isolated. He became tense. He became someone he wasn’t. And it all started in the summer of 2011.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 6





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first story, please be nice. i had this idea when i was in the shower and i wanted to try and execute it. so bear with me. i don’t know how often i’ll update but i will try my hardest to do it as often as my schedule will let me.

He was never the one to let things get to him. He was carefree. He was light. He was everything that I wasn’t. Yet overtime he became isolated. He became tense. He become someone he wasn’t. And it all started in the summer of 2011. 

Harry and Louis weren’t what you would class as a normal couple. They did average relationship things, such as movie nights, cooking dinner together, going to the bar with their friends, yet they did it under the scrutiny of the public eye. You see they were both in the worldwide pop group One Direction, they toured every year, released an album every year and they were also closeted.

The result of being closeted was they had to do stunts, they had to pretend to the public eye that they were straight. Behind doors management didn’t care what they did with each other, they didn’t care if their band mates knew, if the crew knew but they didn’t want the public knowing, as it would “tarnish” their perfect band image. For the first year of the band, management didn’t care, Louis would place small touches on Harry’s skin whilst answering questions in interviews, Harry would appear on camera with a deep red lovebite on his neck, it still didn’t bother them. However fans started to pick up on it, they started to notice the touches, the fond looks, the hidden messages disguised through thumb ups and they named them Larry Stylinson and management didn’t approve of that. So in the June of 2011, they approached Louis and Harry and informed them that they would have fake girlfriends, they would be papped with them, they would convince the public they weren’t in love and it was all fake. In that moment Louis decided that he would take this, he would cope with the fakeness, with the girls, with the denial of their relationship if Harry could be who he wanted to be, if Harry could be free. In the August Eleanor Calder was introduced to Louis as his new “girlfriend” and Harry was free to be who he pleased, but Louis didn’t miss how Harry’s smile didn’t reach his eyes, he didn’t miss how Harry shrunk back into his shell.


	2. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis’ POV

Falling for him was easy, it was like learning to walk. It came natural to him, because as he would soon learn, loving Harry was what he was made for. He was made to be the reason behind Harry’s smile, the reason to why Harry loved himself, the reason to why Harry loved life in general, the reason as to why Harry was so open about his sexuality, the reason why Harry accepted himself. 

.

He knew Harry was the one from the get go, the way his curls bounced with every step he took, the way he was oblivious to everything and everyone, the way his emerald eyes reflected the stage lights, he knew this was the boy that he was going to fall in love with and marry no matter the circumstance.

What he didn’t know was that falling for the boy named Harry Styles came with consequences. If he knew these consequences beforehand would he stop himself from falling? Maybe, but what he knows at this moment in time is that a cheeky sixteen year old has captured his heart in the X-Factor toilets as he uttered that heart stopping word “oops.”

.

After that first word they became inseparable, some say that they are connected at the hip, maybe they are in some instances. There isn’t a time when Harry isn’t beside Louis, whispering words of encouragement or offering the silent promise that at the end of the day they would go home together. After a few weeks of knowing Louis, Harry seemed to convince his mother, Anne, that moving in with Louis at the age of sixteen was the best decision for him, that making Louis his legal guardian was the only way forward. A month into the X-Factor Louis and Harry moved into Princess Park Manor, the place they would call home for the next few years, the home that held promises of a future together.

.

Yet in the next couple of years, Louis spent most of his days with his fake girlfriend Eleanor trying to convince the public that she was the one. When in reality every night he would go home to the love of his life in the kitchen cooking up a storm. They would both eat in peace whilst Louis linked his feet around Harry’s ankles causing the sweetest giggles from his lovers mouth. They would then retreat to the sofa and watch a few episodes of their favourite show Googlebox. However they would never make it through the first episode as Harry would find his way into Louis’ lap, peppering his face and neck with gentle kisses and pleading Louis to take him to bed. Most nights it would end up with Louis’ either pounding into his boys sweet hole or taking it slow and gentle worshiping his boyfriend, and some nights Harry would be so worn down from the days activities that Louis would bundle him up into his arms and whisper sweet nothings until Harry dozed off. That’s how they ended up every night wrapped in each other’s warmth.


	3. Change is inevitable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third Person POV

The change was gradual, it wasn’t noticeable to Louis at first, he just thought maybe the constant demand of management was starting to wear his lover down. Yet overtime Harry become distant, he would order takeaway more often, he wouldn’t wait for Louis to finish his meal, he would make his way to the bedroom before Louis chose what movie to watch. Harry would always blame it on being too tired, on not getting enough sleep the night before, these were small white lies that Louis believed and one night it was too much for Harry. 

.

Louis arrived back home around 8pm, after a long day with Eleanor and the constant paparazzi he just wanted to curl up with his boy and forget the world. But tonight had different plans. 

When he arrived home everything seemed normal, nothing was out of place, Harry’s shoes were in the same place, his coat was in it’s normal place so Louis didn’t notice the storm brewing. The thing is he should have, he should of noticed the eerie silence that surrounded the home, he should of noticed the silent sobs coming from his lover a few doors down, he should of noticed the way the living room door was fully shut. But he didn’t and maybe that was his first mistake.


	4. The whirlwind within my mind

I’m not someone that lets their insecurities take over their life, I know i’m not perfect, I know my hair can be wild and untameable in the mornings, I know i’m too clingy when i’m jealous, I know I can get needy when i’m tired but what I didn’t know is that this one insecurity will take over my whole being. 

At first this whole Eleanor bullshit didn’t bother me, I know Louis, I know he needs me like he needs oxygen, I know he loves me like he loves kevin the pigeon. I know that we are soulmates, we are meant to be, like the classic romance that was made just for movies. but overtime the pictures became too realistic, his smiles became less fake, the contract seemed a thing of the past. 

It wasn’t the first picture or the second, to be honest I don’t know what picture made me start overthinking. but I remember when it was first released into the world. it was around 1:32 in the morning and I was finding it hard to sleep, surprisingly louis wasn’t. He was curled up into my side, softly breathing little puffs of air onto the bare skin of my rib cage, his legs tangled in mine, with his right hand sprawled across my stomach. 

I got the notification just before he walked through the door at 8pm: “Louis Tomlinson pictured smooching his girlfriend Eleanor Calder.” I wiped my tear ridden eyes, picked myself up from the sofa and walked to greet him with a smile and a kiss. The night panned out like usual, the glances filled with love, the knee bumping as we eat, the traces of fingers over each other’s palms. Sleep took over Louis’ body quickly, each movement becoming slower than the last until he fell asleep. I took this as an opportunity to open the notification that I received earlier that day, watching as the article loaded, the small circle filling my stomach with dread. Finally the article loaded, the bold heading, the oh so believing picture, the writing that echoed lies. As I sat there staring at the photo for what seemed like hours, his smile seemed more realistic with each passing second, the hand cradled around her waist seemed a little more gentle than what I was used to, the soft look in his eyes as he gazed into hers. This was the exact place where I realised maybe this just wasn’t a contract anymore, maybe she wasn’t just a beard, maybe the relationship he was currently in was indeed the fake one, maybe this is just a game. I couldn’t help the tears that streamed continuously down my face as I watched the moonlight fade into a sunrise, as I watched his body manoeuvre with the early morning. As his body twisted and turned with the sunlight creeping through the sheer curtains. This is where the uncertainty lay, maybe he is going to wake up today and look at me and feel nothing. Maybe this is the last time i’m going to be laying next to him. Maybe this is the last time i’m going to see his back muscles stretch as he lays in another position. Maybe this is the last time i’m going to be able to look at him and envision our future. Maybe he’s going to walk out of the door for the last time and not come back. Maybe she’s his forever and i’m just a thing of the past.


End file.
